My dear, dear Friends,
When we were younger we used to sing a most beautiful song, with the line in it: ‘Come, free your hearts right now, from all the ties.’ But once I misread the words and sang ‘Come, free your hearts right now, from all the lies.’ As I sang the word ‘lies’, I noticed that a million bells were ringing inside me, because it struck me very forcibly that our most important task in life is to free our hearts, minds and souls from all the lies we have inadvertently believed as a result of conditioning. I felt that if only we could dissolve and remove all this illusory junk, the divine would be able to shine, speak and act through us in a pure way, just as is the highest intention for us as human beings. ‘I and the Mother/Father are one.’ ‘Greater things than these shall you do.’
Healing our souls also helps healing from cancer
Because freeing our hearts from lies is also a most important component of healing from cancer, these days I am working to do that with a wonderful, compassionate shaman/doctor/sound healer, Vladislav Matrenitsky, in the Ukraine.
The other day Vladislav suggested I talk to my brain, and ask it what was wrong. Since 2011 I have known I have brain tumours you see. They don’t usually give me any symptoms miraculously, but they are still there, like the sword of Damocles. However, I am convinced that – with the help of my older son, who is applying his considerable intelligence to finding ways of healing cancer that conventional doctors usually don’t think of – or are not allowed to think of – we will eventually heal them, especially if I do my spiritual work and uncover, understand and dissolve all the lies without fear or attachment.
So to help me do what Vladislav said, I looked at one of the statues of Quan Yin (Goddess of compassion), that we have in our bedroom. They have such compassionate faces, and radiate such peace and calm. So I imagined this compassionate being, looking into my brain and showing me what was wrong.
My biggest lie
This is what I was shown. Throughout my life, and maybe even before, I had believed a very big lie: that for sins I was not even aware of, did not understand and may not even have committed, I could be punished and made to suffer unbearably for years and years, so that to this day, when I suffer, I believe I am being punished for something ….. but I do not know what I did wrong. Also I could never quite believe that I deserved a life without suffering. The effect of my acceptance of this great big lie was to place a sort of iron helmet over my head, which even the divine could not penetrate or remove, because I was keeping it in place with my own conditioned belief.
So in sum, my iron helmet is formed by the (totally unreasonable, I know, but nevertheless very deep-rooted) sense of having been abandoned by God to an unpleasant fate because I have displeased Her/Him in some way. Neale Donald Walsch says you should always give what you wish to receive, and that is what I have always tried to do: to give others an ever-deepening sense of their connection with the Divine, and an awareness of their ineffable perfection and purity, and the feeling that they are warmly, totally and unconditionally loved. That is why I wrote our 2013 calendar – for myself as well as you – especially the affirmation for May, because I thought I would need to meditate on that rather a lot this year: I AM a unique and wonderful being, who causes the Divine heart to sing, for the sheer joy of knowing I exist. That is how loved I AM and how loved every being is.
Receive what you give
So what I have now realised is that while I may have spent almost my entire life in manifesting my prayer to be able to spread Divine wisdom and love, I have to find some way for this ocean of truth, joy, peace and harmony to penetrate my own body and mind as well, and to fill me so fully that there simply won’t be room for anything else; otherwise healing will eternally elude me. In other words I have to remove that darned iron helmet, because it is a lie.
On realising this I immediately saw an image of the helmet being turned upside down and made beautiful – studded with jewels and transformed from iron into gold. Ew – how do I do that? I asked myself. But the answer came very quickly: take steps to cancel out the beliefs forming the helmet with opposing truths. Affirm: I am eternally and completely loved; I never did anything wrong, I am innocent and pure; I can never be separated from love because I AM love; love can never abandon me, because love is all that exists; my mind is love’s mind; my flesh is love’s flesh. God is love. Nothing else exists.
So with these affirmations, persistently practised, I could turn the helmet upside down and transform it into an empty grail cup, which I could then offer up to the divine, to be filled to overflowing with THAT which is beyond the mind. So, while I may never understand it through discursive thought, there’s one thing I know: the Unknowable will increasingly be able to flow from me to quicken and nurture the souls of others. And that is the gift I have most longed for throughout my life.
Thus, through an utterly terrifying experience, a door has been opened for me, and a most longed-for gift has been given. It is my heartfelt wish that you may receive the same through reading this.
Bless you, dear lovely people,
Ann, Geoff and the Cygnus Team